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World leaders hail death of Turpid Bam Irskel

Global peace now in sight, says Chancellor Berdryn

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Chief Peacekeeper declines joint request from PeopleFirst and the Government for budget transparency.

In a move that Chancellor Berdryn described as ‘a step closer to perfect democracy’, the Rump Party’s three senators yesterday announced their intention to open talks about a ‘face and hands’ deal with the ruling coalition.

Rumpist leader Pomble Brimes explained that he felt the time had come for his party’s years in the wilderness to end.  ‘It’s been 320 years since our split with the Admissive Party, and after all that time our differences over the bobbin tax have come to seem less important.  Particularly as the bobbin tax was abolished a few years after the split.  And bobbins are in any case no longer used in the garment industry, I think.  To be honest, I’m not even very sure what a bobbin is.  Presumably it was important at the time.  Over 200 people died in the Yarnwinder Riots, after all.  But people tended to get more excited about points of principle in those days.  Anyway, I digress.  The Rump Party’s core principles of fairness and stability are not so different from the ruling coalition’s vision for our future, and we feel our supporters will agree that a little compromise is a small price to pay to finally see some Rump Party policies put into action.

QRIS legal correspondent Emfra Coltin comments:  A number of the smaller parties have ‘face and hands’ deals allowing them to participate in the coalition.  The deal lets the party save face by continuing to argue against government policies, whilst voting for those same policies in the senate (raising hands being the old-fashioned means of voting, before senators were chipped).  There are 1032 senators in total, of whom 1011 are currently members of the coalition.  The Rump Party’s three senators would take this total to 1014, leaving only 18 senators opposing the government.

Kart Priant, Acting Chair of public comment group Cynical About Everything, responded critically to the Rump Party’s announcement.  ‘The Chancellor has long cherished his dream of a one-party state, and disguises his ambitions with the fiction that his coalition government is made up of independent voices.  This doesn’t take us closer to a perfect democracy, it takes us closer to the so-called ‘solid state’ Berdryn covets.  It isn’t coalition government, it’s coagulation government.’

Coagulation government looms