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BREAKING NEWS: Chancellor in shock cannibalism confession
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Chancellor Berdryn this evening gave way to mounting public pressure over attempts
to stifle an impending revelation about his private life. At the start of the week
he drew attention to an obscure blogger called Calder Dirk, a low-
At 6pm today, Berdryn duly did so, in a move widely believed to be an attempt to take control of the story rather than let the storm rage beyond his control. In an unscheduled statement to the Senate, he said, ‘I have always believed in openness and honesty, and in the primacy of this forum in the affairs of the Republic. It is for these reasons that I have decided to reveal an intimate detail of my private family life, rather than let rumour and speculation harm those closest to me. Yes, I ate my mother’s leg. It is nothing to be ashamed of.’
Chancellor Berdryn went on to narrate the truth behind his mother’s ‘accident’ three years ago. The extended Berdryn family were wintering on the exclusive Outer Plaintree Estates, and a party of six had set off early one morning for a day’s fangbear trapping. In heavy mists, the Chancellor and his mother got separated from the others and became lost. Until today, the official version of what happened next is that Lady Berdryn stepped in a trap, severing her leg, which was then carried off by a fangbear in the night.
But this morning, Berdryn told a rather different story. ‘We were in grave peril,’ he said, his voice trembling. ‘I thought I was going to die. Mother remained steadfast, but as time passed I confess I became panicked. Hunger started to derange my senses. “I can’t bear this, mother,” I remember saying. “I haven’t eaten since yesterday.” And it was at this point that Lady Berdryn showed that a mother’s love knows no bounds. She took out her hunting knife – a beautiful curved blade with a dragonhide handle that was a gift from the Sultan of Ernaq and has been in our family for generations – and passed it to me. “I’m going to knock myself out with this flask of bubblegin,” she said. “Then, when I’m out cold, you must do it, Breem. I won’t see my son go hungry. Take the left leg, it’s been giving me a bit of gyp anyway.” I pleaded with her as she downed the alcohol, but she was resolute, dear thing. And it was thanks to her I made it through the night, to see the morning alive. It was Mother who told our rescuers the story about stepping in a fangbear trap, and it was for her sake I’ve remained silent until today.’
The Chancellor sat down to a shocked silence, then, when it became apparent no one know quite what to say, stood and left the Senate.
QRIS legal correspondent Emfra Coltin comments: Frankly, I don’t know what to say.
There’s no political precedent for this. As for its legality, I’m going to have
to look it up. One thing’s for sure, this is a game-
BREAKING NEWS: Chancellor in shock cannibalism confession